How Building A Legacy Through Black Love Can Be Powerful.
A conversation with Emilee and Keenan.
Emilee and Keenan, originally from Raleigh, North Carolina and Philadelphia, respectively, have built their relationship in New York City and their home in Harlem. As they prepare to become parents to a son, they’re also preparing a solid foundation through open communication. The two look forward to leaving a legacy that illustrates just how powerful black love can be for the individual, the couple and the community.
Him: Keenan | 31 | Co-Founder, REZI (Real Estate Tech Start-Up)
Her: Emilee | 31 | Managing Director of Talent
Relationship Status: Dating, 3 Years
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Q: What does black love mean to the black community?
Emilee: Black love means power. The ability of our people to support, reinforce, guide and nurture each other. We are mighty when we come together and weak when we allow society to pull us apart. I think about the word "strength" because it takes a lot to really be vulnerable with someone. I categorize black love as strength — strength in showing that we really do need each other. We can hold each other up when the rest of the world is trying to beat us down.
Keenan: Love, unity and strength. Specifically, the strength to be outwardly proud of who we are and what our unity represents. You can see the reactions of black people and non-blacks when they see us walking down the street. Non-blacks generally approach Emilee like, “Oh, I love your eyes.” Black people, when they see us, they look at us with a real sense of pride like, “That is what I created, you see what my lineage is.” It’s a refresher. Unity, because I smile a bit different when I see a black man and a black woman walk down the street and they cross our paths. I give him a stronger head nod and he gives me the same. It’s powerful. It’s less about the aesthetic of the couple and more about that strength. Y’all about to make black children, a black household. Y’all about to continue the legacy of us.
Q: Do you think there’s sufficient/significant representation of black love in media? Are you encouraged or discouraged by those you see in real life or in media?
Emilee: There are absolutely not enough representations of black love in the media. When black love is illustrated by mainstream, it is generally in a negative light. Additionally, when there are couples of color, it doesn't represent our true diversity. It's generally one black person with a person who is not black or very fair or of an ambiguous racial background. You tend to see black couples riddled with drama or anger. They’ll try to tear black couples [down] however they can. However, in my life, my parents have been married 37 or 38 years. I think we do have examples in our own environment; there’s an interesting dynamic about how American society will not always tout what is good. That takes a lot of us showing each other examples and reinforcing a positive message.
Keenan: Not enough at all [in media]. I'm encouraged more by social media. Any media that's controlled by individuals are the only mediums I see promoting us. The only time you see black couples portrayed well in [mainstream] media is when it’s a consumer product. You see Ford, BMW, McDonald’s portraying black families in strength, but you won’t necessarily see them in commercials for investment products like e*Trade. You’ll never see the black family in the Honest baby food commercials where the mom is giving her baby organic, non GMO, super healthy food. I say the media still follows the rule that refuses to promote black family strength unless it’s channeling a certain message.
Q: What’s the hardest part about being a millennial in a relationship?
Emilee: I would say it’s communication. When you’re a millennial, over communicating can be perceived as insecurity or controlling, so there’s really a balance. What does it mean to have a thread of communication or to talk about things when they’re hard? We are not trained to do that. Communication builds trust; it builds the foundation.
Keenan: Vulnerability. I think what I couldn’t do in my 20s was be just truly raw with her because I was too embarrassed to tell the truth about skeletons, fears and insecurities. Not telling her only produced the token trifling, 25-year-old, New York City, dumb shit. To keep it one-hundred, vulnerability is communication and what is the one thing most men struggle with outside of money management? Communication.
Q: Previous generations had clear and specific gender roles. How do you two define each other’s roles in your relationship, if at all?
Emilee: I would say no gender roles, it’s truly a partnership. We talk about what’s important to us and what our goals are. And now with a child on the way, we take a step back and look at where our money is going. When it comes down to cooking and cleaning, I love letting him do the laundry because I don’t have to. Or if he wakes up and starts cleaning I’m like, go for it, I’m not gonna stop you. I don’t feel that I’m obligated to clean because I’m a woman. I’d definitely say we’re gonna get him some cooking classes. Just know each other’s strengths and play off of them.
Keenan: Emilee makes more money than me, she always has. It used to get me a little bit. Gender roles are simple, it’s strengths and weaknesses. Money management, not being the stronger one in management and being the one who enjoys the non-financial things, I’m totally OK with my lower salary, letting it take care of the major requirements. And then everything above that, you can take care of and the management of it.
Q: Are there any individual relationship struggles that you had to overcome?
Emilee: Vulnerability. I’m a vault. I don’t talk that much, and Keenan talks a lot. I’m comfortable with quiet and he is not so much. But, when I would be quiet sometimes and I had something that I wanted to talk about, or didn’t know how to talk about, I wouldn’t talk about it, but I would mask it with “I’m just being quiet.” I consider myself a thinker and that got in the way of me opening up and communicating feelings or emotions, until I felt they were fully developed and thought through. When you love someone, you let them into those struggles. That’s a part of the growing process.
Keenan: Addiction. Addiction to being out in the streets. The gross inability to be mature and stay in the house everyday of the week. I still struggle with coming home consistently at the same hour now and feeling that when you go out it has to be in the same format.
Q: Do you feel pressured by your family to be with someone who looks like you?
Emilee: I grew up in North Carolina in a diverse, middle class neighborhood. There were always people around me from diverse backgrounds. I remember having dated people who don’t look like me and it was like, OK, cool. But then it came down to it and it was like, you’ll never understand, you just won’t.
Keenan: Not at all, but I know the desire of my family is [for me] to be with a person of color.
Q: What is it about having a black significant other that impacts you the most?
Emilee: It gives me hope that we, as a people, will continue to grow, love and support each other. We can be an image of successful relationships and proud of the heritage that we are bringing to life in future generations. Building a legacy. I’m a proud black woman and I want to have proud black children. There’s just something about coming home to what you’ve always dreamed of. Growing up, I was super fascinated with dolls and it took a long time before I had a black one, and it took longer to get a black Ken doll. And now it’s like, wow, I have my little family. There’s something magical about it.
Keenan: Our legacy, the excellence and wealth we want to grow and the imagery we promote to our own people, it’s what I always wanted. I always dreamed about being the dad my dad wasn’t, and the partner to a black woman that my mom is.
