Why Building Together To Secure A Future Is A Blessing.
A conversation with Jenelle and Thierry.
Brooklyn natives and residents Jenelle and Thierry are the epitome of young love. They met at 23 and were married by 25. At a peak age for partying and exploring life solo, these two were committed to love and building a successful marriage. Now, the parents of one little boy are busy running two e-commerce businesses, Augustin Strategies and Stellar Emails, while balancing family life and relationships with their single counterparts.
Her: Jenelle | 28 | Entrepreneur
Him: Thierry | 28 | Entrepreneur
Relationship Status: Married, 3 Years
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Q: What does black love mean to the black community?
Jenelle: Black love sustains the black community; it means endurance. It ensures that more amazing, beautiful black girls and boys grow into thriving women and men. Black love takes care of one another and helps you become your best self.
Thierry: Black love means stability. I'm the proud son of a single mom, yet even with her relentless love and effort, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing in my home and those of friends who were raised similarly. That was the norm and not the exception. I've always wanted to see what it would look like for a community to have strong relationships at its core. That's what we're building in our immediate circle.
Q: Do you think there’s sufficient/significant representation of black love in media? Are you encouraged or discouraged by those you see in real life or in media?
Jenelle: In our personal lives it’s definitely a thing. A majority of our older church friends are black, married, upwardly mobile couples, so that’s a good thing. No, there is not enough representation on network television. I love the black couple in This Is Us, and I enjoyed the Black Love documentary on OWN. As a black woman, it's always refreshing to see a black man choose to be with a black woman. Those who don't, I don't think anyone is checking for them anyway.
Thierry: We got put on to This Is Us by another black couple. The show has really captured, as opposed to caricatured, the black marital experience. It's so real and so resonant that it pretty much demands the recognition that it's getting in the mainstream. That is probably the best writing that I’ve seen. It’s like, OK, somebody black wrote this.
Q: What’s the hardest part about being a millennial in a relationship?
Jenelle: We got married at 25. None of my close girlfriends are married or currently in serious relationships. For me, the biggest challenge has been finding married women with similar values, to connect with on a regular basis. Also, from what I’ve seen out there, it seems as if millennials don’t value relationships, and furthermore, value marriage. It could be because they’ve seen broken families that they don’t want to put themselves in that vulnerable position.
Thierry: We’ve been married for three years now, but looking back, balance between relationship and career, I think that's one of the biggest struggles. We had the blessing of being able to build together, but I feel like a lot of people are single and are grinding or doing this for "me" and "when I get to that certain point then I’ll open up and see who’s in the field." But by then it’s kind of late in the game and you gotta figure out somebody who looks like me, has my values and feels as strongly about keeping a black relationship together as I do. The best example I can think of is Serena Williams. I wish she could have met someone of her level and caliber who is black.
Also, the evolution of friendships. We got married at 25 and all of my closest friends are still single, so we relate on a different level. All of my married friends are at least five years older than I am, so it's the weird balance of being matured by responsibilities and lifestyle in one respect, yet still being the “baby” in another peer group.
Q: Previous generations had clear and specific gender roles. How do you two define each other’s roles in your relationship, if at all?
Thierry: I'd venture to say most millennial relationships are flexible. From the start, ours has always been about dividing the labor and multiplying the effect. We let each other operate in their zone of genius, in business and even when it comes to house chores. I do the dishes, she does the laundry. I cook, she bakes. It makes it easy because no one is complaining about what they "have" to do and there's never an imbalance of contribution.
Jenelle: We don't have gender roles. We do the things we enjoy doing, and luckily, we happen to like opposite chores, so all the housework gets done. I don't like cooking, however, whenever Thierry's been out with a full day of client meetings I always make sure to have dinner ready by the time he gets home, whether it's home cooked or food that I've ordered for him.
Q: Do you feel pressured by your family to be with someone who looks like you?
Jenelle: No. I don't believe it was even a subject that was discussed when I was growing up. However, I do want my son to date and marry a black woman. I think of it in terms of future generations, not just my lifetime. I remember learning about the wealth gap between black and white families and I was astounded. I want the wealth that my husband and I create in our lifetime to remain in capable black hands that care about helping fellow black people succeed in all areas of life.
Thierry: Not explicitly. My mother was always generally receptive and was more concerned about the heart and attitude of the person I'd end up with. Now on the flip side, as we have a son, I feel like I'd expect him to replicate the structure he sees in us because we've placed such a high value on it.
Q: What were your individual struggles during a relationship that you had overcome?
Thierry: The level of accountability, especially as both life and business partners, it requires a level of transparency that I had to adjust to, and still do, as we grow and change. The biggest thing is taking on the extra level of responsibility, because when you’re single, you’re just doing you, you don’t have to think about checking in with anyone or filling two roles. The key has been open communication and actually scheduling time to recap and reinvest into our friendship.
Jenelle: Early on in our relationship we discussed being intentional and having the mask off, which is why I feel we were able to progress so quickly. So I think the biggest struggle was communicating my feelings instead of holding things in and have it become a huge problem later on.
Q: What is it about having a black significant other that impacts you most?
Jenelle: I love not having to explain social issues, which I might have to if I were in an interracial relationship. I also love building a life with a strong black man, creating black wealth through our businesses and investments and leaving a legacy for our black son, and possible future children. Being black is lit! Being with a good black man who was raised well is lit.
Thierry: The level of cultural understanding is unparalleled. You don't have to prep or prime someone to be aware of and value your perspective spiritually, politically, economically. We've had a similar enough experience to where the validity of a thought or feeling is never in question, and that's a big relief.
