Why It's Important To Eliminate Distractions And Hone In On What’s Important.

A conversation with Chloe and Jose.

Her: Chloe | 33 | Director of Communications & PR - REVOLT Media & TV

Him: Jose | 32 | Senior Director of Global Partnerships

Relationship Status: Together 2.5 Years, Engaged

After a mutual acquaintance posted a photo with Chloe, Jose inquired about the beautiful girl who caught his eye. Apprehensive when the two were first connected, Chloe realized they shared a lot of common interests during their second meeting. Next came dinner, followed by a brunch, where she picked up the tab (something she admittedly never does for just anyone), and the two have been inseparable ever since. We caught up with this NYC couple, fresh off the heels of a fabulous engagement, as they prepare to take their commitment to the next level.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Q: What does black love mean to the black community?

Chloe: Growing up on the South Side of Chicago, black love is the center of the community. If you think about moms and how they raise their children, and grandmothers who help them raise their children, black love is the center of this community. It’s hope. It’s strength. It essentially is the vain of our existence. Think back to when we were enslaved; black love is what made us have faith. It’s what kept us alive.

Jose: That’s an interesting question for me because I'm black, but my family’s from the Dominican Republic. There are some cultural differences, but there are similarities ... even back home we dealt with racism. I grew up very close to black and hip-hop culture. It’s about hope and being able to take your experiences, create a family and raise responsible young men and women who can represent the culture well.

Q: Do you think there’s sufficient/significant representation of black love in media? Are you encouraged or discouraged by those you see in real life or in media?

Chloe: Based on what I do, I’m looking at the media all the time, and it depends on what media you look at and what you let infiltrate your mind. If you’re on Instagram and you follow the right accounts that support black love, then yes. If you look at mainstream media, absolutely not. We’re not portrayed in a positive light unless it’s a celebrity like Beyonce and Jay-Z. You don’t see the everyday black couple being celebrated unless you go to Essence or Blavity. Sometimes The Shade Room has amazing posts on proposals; they posted ours. So I think that unless it’s a platform made by us, we’re not celebrated the way that we need to be — for us, by us. I would like to see that change, but I believe that’s just where we are.

Jose: I look at it from a different lens. We can’t ignore the multicultural discussion anymore, as it relates to minorities being more empowered. We still have a long way to go, but we’re a lot better now, especially than when our parents were our age.

Q: What’s the hardest part about being a millennial in a relationship?

Jose: I think the challenge is eliminating distractions. You think about where you spend your time and the things you pay attention to, it’s a bad use of time. Especially when you think about your goals and how you live your life, you have to say, “Is that aligned with my goals?” As millennials, we have technology, parties, options. There are a lot more distractions. We’re blessed, so I don’t think it’s the case with us, but we have friends who it’s taken a longer time to mature and hone in on what’s important.

Chloe: Growing up, some of our parents were at home with us, some worked. For me, my mother was at home until I as in seventh grade. I didn’t see her go to work and raise kids until I was in seventh grade. Me trying to go to work as a PR executive and do other side things and making sure I’m home and I’m cooking and I’m being attentive to him ... for me not necessarily seeing that growing up, it can be difficult. We’ve bumped heads sometimes because he has to tell me when I’m not being who I need to be, but he supports me as a boss woman. It’s balancing all of those things. My mom was a boss woman and amazing at it, but she did it different than the way I’m doing it now. And sometimes he has to know I’m not gonna be home to cook; I’m out of town and he has to order take out. As a woman in a world where there’s opportunities and you want to climb the corporate ladder, I have to make sure I’m everything I need to be at home and in the world so that I can leave a legacy.

Q: Previous generations had clear and specific gender roles. How do you two define each other’s roles in your relationship, if at all?

Jose: I think we’re traditional in those types of roles. I would never let Chloe carry bags.

Chloe: And I don’t believe in taking out the trash.

Jose: I think we’re traditional, but I think we’re modern in terms of the new-age woman and man. In a lot of cases, I’m following Chloe's lead. In terms of music and entertainment that’s her space. When I go to events with her I’m happily in the support role and a compliment to her.

Chloe: I think that we’re traditional in a modern sense. We’ve been together two and a half years, he’s cooked one time. He doesn't know how. But I say we’re modern traditional because we have a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks. We send our laundry out to be washed and folded. I get Blue Apron so I can cook a few meals a week. I love to cook in general. Our parents weren’t having a cleaning lady. Where I’m from, I didn’t even know cleaning ladies existed. I think we do a good job in our roles, but I think we also do a good job of stepping in when the other needs something.

Q: Are there any individual relationship struggles that you had to overcome?

Jose: I am my mother’s child. My mom is very Type-A, no nonsense. I went through a tough time at one point in my life and I had to come out of it and challenge myself and be aware of it [my aggression]. I found that a lot of my successes were because of my aggression, ambition and commitment to make it happen. But I also found out that I lost a lot of opportunities because of that, because I wasn’t able to read the person sitting across from me, especially with females. It was a part of my evolution, something I still coach myself on.

Chloe: Going from me to we. Even one of my girlfriends had to tell me. I was spoiled growing up, I got my way. Even with my friends it was all about Chloe. I was the apple of my family’s eye. In a relationship, you expect a man to treat you the same way as they should, but you have to realize you have to reciprocate. It can’t just be all about you. A man has to win your affection and court you, and that phase hasn’t passed [for us]. Jose courts me. He’s the most thoughtful person ever, but I have to court him as well.

Q: Do you feel pressured by your family to be with someone who looks like you?

Chloe: I grew up on the Southside of Chicago, so the only white people I saw were my teachers. There’s just something about a black man. My four uncles treated me like a daughter. They never missed a recital, they were at graduation, they taught me about stocks, how to navigate hustlers. One would even pick me up from dance class. I could always look at one of my uncles or grandfather growing up. I was surrounded by powerful black men.

Jose: It was preferred; I was never told I couldn’t bring someone home. My parents probably would have preferred it, but they were always supportive and judged on the person’s character. Then my mother met Chloe and they’re best friends.

Q: What is it about having a black significant other that impacts you the most?

Chloe: I probably changed his life (laughs). For me, he taught me about the Latino culture and understanding how they come from the same lineage as we come from. When you see Jose, he looks African American. For me, it’s taught me a lot about a different culture and how they intertwine. I went to DR with him last year and it was an amazing experience. When we went to Latin History for Morons, that taught me how that culture is influenced by African culture. I think he can better answer that question because I’m the first black women he’s seriously dated.

Jose: To be honest, I never saw color when it came to dating. I wasn’t raised that way. One of the things I appreciate about being with Chloe is that we have similar upbringing, similar background: big family, a lot of love, humble beginnings. That’s at the core of our love. Also, seeing the look in other people’s eyes, seeing two black, successful, young people who are genuinely in love who share their love with the world, that’s something I take a lot of pride in.